Sex and the City, the Movie

If you’re not a fan of Sex in the City, you might want to skip this post. ‘Cause you’re not going to understand half of what I’m writing about and you’ll find it boring. So consider yourself warned: I will accept no post-post whining in the comments about how long I went on and on about some stupid overrated TV show that’s not even on the air any more. So whine at your own risk; you will be mercilessly teased if you do so. On with the post!

Oh wait, I need to add a second warning: I haven’t seen the movie. But I am making a number of guesses as to its contents. So don’t think that anything I write is a spoiler. It’s not as far as I know. If I’m wrong, well, I guess we’ll see. If I’m right, then don’t come crying to me about ruining the movie for you. I had no idea. And yes, that just goes to show how truly awesome I am… Or it shows how truly terrible, unimaginative, and tired the writers of the Sex and the City movie are. Whichever. On with the post! Really.

I loved Sex in the City.

Oh, in the series, the fashions were deplorable. Seriously, did their mothers not teach those floozies how to dress? Or did the simple joy of adult independence strain the fashion cortex of their brains?

The plots were… well, to be kind, the plot lines of the SitC episodes were ridiculous. Completely implausible, in most cases.

The dialog was stupid in a narcissistic, uber-elite, hey-aren’t-I-naughty, bullshit kind of way.

The acting was passable in some cases and dreary in others. The better performances usually came from the guest stars and supporting characters.

I wasn’t a big fan of the main four. Of the four main actors, I found Cynthia Nixon to be the least objectionable and Sarah Jessica Parker to be the most. Of the four main characters, I identified mostly with Charlotte. (Make of that what you will. I certainly don’t know what to think about it.)

And the dysfunctional relationships were a psychologist’s wet dream.

I’m not entirely sure why I loved it so much.

But I did, and I’m giving the upcoming movie the stink eye.

See, I didn’t like Carrie winding up with Big when the series ended. Don’t get me wrong, Chris Noth (the actor who played Big) is gorgeous. He’s easily my number one pick for pure Hollywood hotitude. And he’s easily the best actor who regularly appeared on the show. But the character Big was an occasional ass. More than that, Carrie was an even bigger ass. Usually, I’d say that two asses deserve each other, but the Carrie/Big relationship never did anything for me.

And the movie commercials promise that the movie is about the Carrie/Big wedding. Oy. The idea of enduring a whole two hours devoted to a Carrie/Big wedding is unstomachable. Already, the commercials about The Dress are laughable, and not in a good, comedic way.

And yes again there are the commercials, which tease that maybe the long awaited (by some) Big/Carrie wedding might not happen. Well, yay, I guess. But are we really to be subjected to a two hour long Carrie weep-fest over Big? ‘Cause, seriously, we’ve been through several seasons of that already, what with the Carrie/Big on and off and on and off and on again relationship.

What more is there to weep about? Are they really going to subject us to two hours of Sarah Jessica Parker’s big red snotty drippy nose on the big screen? It was big, red, snotty, and drippy enough on my little 24 inch TV; I can’t imagine what proportions it will take in high definition big screen imagery.

I’m not sure that I want to even see the movie. The series ended fairly well in that it closed some open story lines and left enough open to the imagination. I didn’t like all the French shit that happened at the last minute. (It seemed like it was thrown in, unplanned, just to make the setting different. At the time, I thought that it was good thing that the series was ending since they’d started resorting to sorry gimmicky props like a Parisian backdrop.)

Anyway, I guess my reaction to the SitC  movie commercials is: meh. I haven’t decided if I’ll see it in theaters yet or if I’ll wait until it’s released on DVD.

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