A Better Speech? Yes We Can!

If you’re like me, then you think that Obama’s inauguration speech was not what it could have been. It was as dry and as interesting as dryer lint. Frankly, I’d have been more interested in collecting dryer lint than in watching him recite that speech.

But, thanks to the Conservative Scalawag, I was able to rewrite Obama’s entire speech without too much trouble. And, may I say humbly, that even though the speech I wrote was the result of an automatic speech generatorI used to input a few measly words, my inauguration speech was much more inspiring (and hilarious!). Here it is:

My fellow Americans, today is a friendly day. You have shown the world that “hope” is not just another word for “poop”, and that “change” is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually sell.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces many and kinky challenges like never before. Our economy is furry. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for tofu. Our healthcare system is sweet. If your hand is sick and you don’t have insurance, you might as well call a engineer. And America’s image overseas is tarnished like a dam mountain. But loving together we can right this ship, and set a course for Georgia.

Finally, I must thank my hard family, my girlie campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank Democrats for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of helping the American people. Without your manly efforts, none of this would have been possible.

For he is the Kwisatz Haderach!