Sheesh

These days, everyone wants a government handout. Ha.

Oh, and have I mentioned how tired I am of commercials that begin with “these days” or “in times like these” or something? Argh. We know that the economy is in the toilet. We don’t need to be reminded of it in every commercial break when some company wants to sell something “discounted” for the recession (or whatever we’re calling it now).

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Stupid Cucumbers, Stupider Skinny Jeans

After watching this overreaction to bloating, I don’t feel so bad. Damn skinny jeans. Who decided that they should come back in style anyway?

I love that commercial.

[Note: Should I consider it good or bad that my Editors wrote more about this post than I did? I’m conflicted…]

UPDATE 10AM: This is it for me here today, folks. I’m off for birthday frivolity until I decide said frivolity is done. And yeah, I’m happy to turn 33. It’s just one year closer to being a crotchety 60-something in a big old house with 84 cats most of whom will be named Leroy. Or Bocefus. I haven’t decided if I like Leroy or Bocefus better for the 84 cats. :D

Anyway! See y’all in October.

F to the R to the E to the EeeaAARRRGH!!11!!!1!!!!!

It started with the pirate commercial. It was cute. It was funny. Never mind that it didn’t make much sense. (Why would he need to work a crappy second job because someone stole his credit identity? I don’t get it. Don’t we have laws protecting identity theft victims? I know when someone used my SSN when I was 16 to open up a Georgia Power account in some city to which I’ve never been, I didn’t have to pay the $300 bill the thieves left behind. Hmp.)

Then came the wife commercial, which admittedly pissed me off on some slight level. He wouldn’t have married her if he’d known about her crappy credit score? What a bum!

Then there was the car commercial. It was slightly funny, but that’s just because I this was the commercial in which I realized that the guitar player is totally high in all three videos.

And freecreditreport.com paid for these three commercials to play nigh unto infinity. I was heartily sick of the three musicians long before the company decided to cash in on their popularity and make two more commercials. Oh, yeah: there are now five of these fuckers playing ad nauseum.

So now there are two more (and in one of them, we learn just how short the lead singer is). Which would be fine, but the original three are still playing non-stop. And the bike one licks the balls of the green movement. Which just brings me to a whole new level of pissed off with the entire issue.

So please forgive the Howard Dean meltdown in the title above. I’ve got an ear worm that won’t quit.

Big

Male enhancement commercials crack me up. One brand, which shall remain nameless, has a commercial featuring a “reporter” “interviewing” seemingly random men on the street. All of these men act like they’re ashamed to “admit” that they are “bigger.” Hilarious!

What man would be ashamed to admit that they’re bigger? If these men were real, satisfied customers, they wouldn’t be shamed. They’d shout their glee from a very high place where many people could hear it.

In reality, these men are ashamed of being in such a ridiculous commercial, knowing that the whole thing is nonsense.

The language of the commercials kills me, too. Why are they tiptoeing around the fact that they’re talking about penises? Why not just say “penis” instead of “that certain part of a man’s body” or whatever. It’s crazy. “Penis” is not a bad word. It’s not a dirty word. It’s the anatomically correct name for a part of a man’s reproductive system.

I mean, if they made a commercial talking about “cocks” or “dicks” I would be mad at them for using slang in conjunction with a “medical” procedure (not to mention airing it on basic cable unbleeped). But “penis” is the right, technical noun. Why shy away from it? I don’t get it. If this pill is a real medical procedure (and if it’s one that works), then talking about it in technical terms wouldn’t be wrong.

Also, the women in the commercials make me laugh. Not to be mean about it, but the men in the commercials aren’t extremely attractive. And yet, in the commercials, they’re paired with women who would probably be considered sexy by some. Oh, they’re not pretty or anything like that, but I can see how a great many men would think them hot. Certainly, they look “Available.” And by “Available” I mean “trashy and easy.” Which may be why I think a great many men would think that they’re hot.

The men are clearly not hot. It’s funny. And it’s clearly a signal to potential customers: use our product to get a big dick and an easy, semi-hot girl regardless of what you look like or how bad your breath smells!

And yeah, a couple of those guys look like they have really bad breath.