Happy Independence Day!

No one ever says that. It’s always “Happy July 4th.” It bugs me.

On this day in 1776, the wording of the Declaration of Independence was approved. Sure, it was one giant “Go away ye overbearing olde fuckers!” to the British Empire. That part was fabulous in its own right; but further than that, the document itself isn’t just the embryo of the United States. There’s true greatness contained there. And it’s all in one of the most famous sentences ever:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

There’s never been a greater statement of human rights. And it’s right there, in the genesis of our country. We should all be proud of it.

More than a just celebration of our nation’s birthday, July 4th is a celebration of one of the most important documents in history. It’s a celebration of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. It’s a celebration of what this country could be, of what awaits us if we look to the past 233 years. And the name “Independence Day” is a reminder of that.

So happy Independence Day! May we all be free as our founding fathers dreamed.

I’m going to go pursue some happiness by flame-scorching some pig then smothering it in a sweet tomato-based sauce.

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Prudie, Sellout

Every July I complain. Hobby Lobby has Christmas merchandise out already. Man, can’t we get through July 4th without Garden Ridge putting Christmas lights out? 

By the time September gets here, I’m sick of Christmas glitter. By October, I’m ready to gouge out the eyes of every inflated Santa I pass. And by Thanksgiving, I’m in full Scrooge mode, capable of bah humbugging the cheeriest elf into a depression so deep it takes years of therapy, mountains of medications, and oceans of coffee to get keep the poor little bugger from jumping off the nearest cliff.

Normally, any other year, I would heartily endorse the plans of Suldog (whom I found over at Pam’s site): to boycott anything Christmas related until after Thanksgiving.

But this year… Well, I have a confession. Your Prudie has sold out to whatever evil minion controls the early onset of Christmas merchandise. I have, in fact, joined his dark crusade and am now selling Christmas merchandise at Cafepress with the Dark Lord’s other misguided miscreants.

Such is the shame I feel at my actions that I would go to Cafepress this very minute and remove the offending items from my inventory… except I desperately need the moolah I might make.

Even more odious… I hesitate to even confess this, but I have plans of adding more merchandise

I know! Who knew that lusty revelry with the Evil One would seem so benign? I’ve never conspired with the Ancient Depths before; I certainly thought there’d be more to it. Blood perhaps? Maybe even something sexual? It seems a great deal more innocent than I expected.

I suppose, as it stands right now, my transgressions are not too terrible. You see, the merchandise I now sell is more Winter themed than Christmas themed, but I am working on more Christmas/Santa/Yule stuff.

[Currently, I have the Death of a Snowman items for sale, which are more Winter than Christmas. Frosty doesn’t really have much to do with the holiday; he’s more of a seasonal item. But I do have the Big Red Ornament items, and that is most definitely a Christmas/Yule tree, albeit a bent one.]

I know! I feel rotten, but not rotten enough to take it all down. And not nearly rotten enough to stop working on the Christmas/Yule merchandise.

So, maybe next year I’ll participate in the boycott. This year, I’m one step above eating cat food and there’s money to make in merchandise.

[Ahem. If you like the items I have for sale at Cafepress and decide to buy an item or two… it’ll be our secret. I certainly won’t tell.]