Fugly Bathroom Linoleum

Upon the gentle art of mixing and misusing metaphors: the incomprehensible ramblings of a single thirty-something woman who can’t find a job.

Hindsight is amazing.

You move along in life thinking that you’ve got your groove, thinking that you’re about to hit a home run, and thinking that you’ve accomplished much. Then you realize that you’re out of step, you’ve just been struck out, and you have accomplished diddly. One day you think you’re strong, you’re collected, and you’re on your way to somewhere great. The next day you’re a weak, misshapen, puddle of confusion on the fugly bathroom linoleum. It’s somewhat disconcerting to have a 180 degree reversal of your self conceptions in the space of a few years.

I am the Master if Social Ineptitude. I can’t pick up on signals. I can’t pick up on hints. I can’t read body language. I can’t read between the lines. So unless something walks up and smacks me on the head, I have no idea it’s there until I’m sitting on the floor holding my bloody head wondering why I didn’t see it coming. I am the Grand Poobah of Cluelessness.

Bloody heads won’t stop bleeding in a day, not when they’re caused by such a great misunderstanding as mine. So for now, I’m going to watch Gilbert and Sullivan until my brains fall out, eat popcorn until my gums rebel, and think mean thoughts about fiscal liberals and HR departments.

LATER: I sort of have a job. It’s for a company that’s just starting up. Unfortunately, the two owners have full time jobs elsewhere that requires most of their time. So they are getting the new company (that I’ll eventually work for) up and running at a snail’s pace.

It’ll be a great job. I’ll get to work from home and set my own hours. It’ll give me an introduction into the accounting field before I go back to school part time and get my Masters in accounting (or possibly a certificate in bookkeeping, I don’t know yet). So all in all, it’s a win. It’ll be a great job. Someday.

And that’s the problem. I don’t know when the two owners will get themselves together enough to need me. They’ve done wonderful things thus far, but as I said, they both have other commitments that keep getting in the way of the new company. In the meanwhile, I’ve got to keep treading water. 

So I’m looking for a job to keep me in the black until the permanent job gets going. Which will be… whenever.