Food! Glorious Food!

Jonolan has ventured into the arena of food… and is taking on PETA to boot. (Link is NSFW.)

As for the title of Jonolan’s post, well, I heartily endorse such actions. Whether your mind is in the gutter or whether you’re imagining eating a lovely broiled sea kitten… well, I’ll leave that up to you. Either way, it’s all good!

Bon appetit!

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A Better Speech? Yes We Can!

If you’re like me, then you think that Obama’s inauguration speech was not what it could have been. It was as dry and as interesting as dryer lint. Frankly, I’d have been more interested in collecting dryer lint than in watching him recite that speech.

But, thanks to the Conservative Scalawag, I was able to rewrite Obama’s entire speech without too much trouble. And, may I say humbly, that even though the speech I wrote was the result of an automatic speech generatorI used to input a few measly words, my inauguration speech was much more inspiring (and hilarious!). Here it is:

My fellow Americans, today is a friendly day. You have shown the world that “hope” is not just another word for “poop”, and that “change” is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually sell.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces many and kinky challenges like never before. Our economy is furry. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for tofu. Our healthcare system is sweet. If your hand is sick and you don’t have insurance, you might as well call a engineer. And America’s image overseas is tarnished like a dam mountain. But loving together we can right this ship, and set a course for Georgia.

Finally, I must thank my hard family, my girlie campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank Democrats for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of helping the American people. Without your manly efforts, none of this would have been possible.

For he is the Kwisatz Haderach!

I’m Just A Flag Waving American

Excuse me whilst I feel a moment of superiority.

Why is it that now, after the Obama election win, liberals suddenly discover their patriotism? All of a sudden, flags are the must have accessory for both home and body. All of a sudden, sniffing at the nation anthem is perfectly acceptable.

I remember when flags and anthem sniffing were laughed at and scorned by the liberal elite. That was, you know, a few months ago. I don’t get it. Does the patriotism of some depend so much upon the Commander in Chief’s policies? Mine does not.

I was patriotic then. I will continue to be patriotic. I’ve always loved America. I will always love America. I may not be happy with a direction it has taken or a person it has elected, but my support and love will always be there, unwavering. So the new conversion of some to patriotism has me scratching my head a bit.

NOTE: The title of this post is the title of a song from the play, I Love America. I love the song, it’s a cheeky bit of patriotism that unashamedly boasts of the country’s greatness. It’s the kind of thing that drives Europeans and liberals nuts. Or at least, it used to drive liberals nuts. Hmp. It’s lost half of its fun if it doesn’t.

Goodwill Gone

I woke up this morning all full of goodwill toward my fellow man. I was ready to put the bitter hatred of the past eight years behind me. I was feeling rosy and cheery and almost happy that at least I wouldn’t have to hear the lamentations about W that I’ve been tortured with for the past eight years. I didn’t exactly support Obama, but I didn’t want him to fall flat on his face.

That’s changed a bit now. You see, now I realize the kind of people to which we’re going to be subjected for the next four years.

Obama’s inauguration was full of attacks on his predecessor.  His supporters jeered at W as the Bush family left to go home to Crawford.

W has been nothing but gracious to the incoming administration. Can the supporters of the incoming administration have a little grace in their win? Hell, can the new president have a little grace in his win? Apparently not.

Motherfuckers.

So earlier I was every bit “let’s be nice” and “let’s not wish Obama ill.” Fuck that. That bastard is going down. What makes it so sweet is that he’ll do it to himself.

Can’t wait to watch the carnage.

SIDE NOTE: W was not the monster the media made him out to be. Finally, there’s a rational look at W’s presidency. [Via Cranky-D.]

New Day

Today is a historic day for America. Today, we’ll anoint the Kwisatz Haderachto the highest office in the US. (You know I’m going to call Obama Muad’Dib or the Kwisatz Haderach from now on, right? Good. )

I don’t want him to fail. I expect that he will if he intends to follow his campaign promises, but it’s not something I want. I also expect him to fail if he doesn’t follow his campaign promises; any deviation from his campaign statements will make enemies out of his fellow liberals. His policies will get nowhere fast with such enemies.

Added to that is the high expectations of his devoted followers. I don’t know that there is a way to make all of his promises to them good. It could get ugly fast when they figure that out. His team hasn’t done a very good job of managing the unrealistic expectations of his followers. Having promised the moon during the campaign to win the election, he finds himself in the position to follow through on obtaining it. I wish him luck with that.

And already, Obama’s had a pissing contest with Reid over who is the real boss of the Democrats in Washington. Obama won the media war with Reid, but Reid’s been in this a long time; I don’t see him giving up easily.

I don’t think there’s a way he can succeed. And that’s a shame.

(And I write all that with no relish or sarcasm. Well, I’m having fun with the Kwisatz Haderach stuff. But no… I don’t want him to fail. We’ve seen enough of a mess this past year. I don’t look forward to more of it.)

LATER: Something’s been bothering me about this press coverage of the inauguration (which has been going on for a few days!!!!). They keep calling Obama President Obama. He won’t be president until a little later today. Also, these are the same people who don’t call W President Bush. Things like that bug me.

Start Your Engines…

The Northern Hemisphere is headed for an ice age!*

As we all know from Al Gore’s super-duper-scientific, completely true documentary/religious epic (Praise Gore!), emitting CO2 into the atmosphere will increase the planet’s temperature. And since we all know that Gore has never, ever been wrong about anything what-so-ever (Praise Gore!), we all know what we must do.

Clearly, we must all put as much CO2 into the atmosphere as possible.

Americans! Do your part to stop this disaster before it happens! Drive your cars as much as possible. Leave your lights on when you’re not in the room. Run your clothes washer half-full. Run your dishwasher empty. Breed cows and sheep. Only eat fruits and veggies imported from other countries, the further the better.  Buy big honkin’ SUVs and drive them alone.

I know we can do it. Yes we can!

(Praise Gore!)

* I don’t know if there’s any reasonable science to this claim or not. At this point, anyone claiming to predict what the climate will do in the future is instantly suspicious to me. Still, it’s good for a joke or two.

And hey! I’m in Georgia, fairly close to South America. And my uncle has a big honkin’ bass boat. So my family’s good for a trip or two to the southern hemisphere.