Food! Glorious Food!

Jonolan has ventured into the arena of food… and is taking on PETA to boot. (Link is NSFW.)

As for the title of Jonolan’s post, well, I heartily endorse such actions. Whether your mind is in the gutter or whether you’re imagining eating a lovely broiled sea kitten… well, I’ll leave that up to you. Either way, it’s all good!

Bon appetit!

A Better Speech? Yes We Can!

If you’re like me, then you think that Obama’s inauguration speech was not what it could have been. It was as dry and as interesting as dryer lint. Frankly, I’d have been more interested in collecting dryer lint than in watching him recite that speech.

But, thanks to the Conservative Scalawag, I was able to rewrite Obama’s entire speech without too much trouble. And, may I say humbly, that even though the speech I wrote was the result of an automatic speech generatorI used to input a few measly words, my inauguration speech was much more inspiring (and hilarious!). Here it is:

My fellow Americans, today is a friendly day. You have shown the world that “hope” is not just another word for “poop”, and that “change” is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually sell.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces many and kinky challenges like never before. Our economy is furry. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for tofu. Our healthcare system is sweet. If your hand is sick and you don’t have insurance, you might as well call a engineer. And America’s image overseas is tarnished like a dam mountain. But loving together we can right this ship, and set a course for Georgia.

Finally, I must thank my hard family, my girlie campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank Democrats for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of helping the American people. Without your manly efforts, none of this would have been possible.

For he is the Kwisatz Haderach!

I’m Just A Flag Waving American

Excuse me whilst I feel a moment of superiority.

Why is it that now, after the Obama election win, liberals suddenly discover their patriotism? All of a sudden, flags are the must have accessory for both home and body. All of a sudden, sniffing at the nation anthem is perfectly acceptable.

I remember when flags and anthem sniffing were laughed at and scorned by the liberal elite. That was, you know, a few months ago. I don’t get it. Does the patriotism of some depend so much upon the Commander in Chief’s policies? Mine does not.

I was patriotic then. I will continue to be patriotic. I’ve always loved America. I will always love America. I may not be happy with a direction it has taken or a person it has elected, but my support and love will always be there, unwavering. So the new conversion of some to patriotism has me scratching my head a bit.

NOTE: The title of this post is the title of a song from the play, I Love America. I love the song, it’s a cheeky bit of patriotism that unashamedly boasts of the country’s greatness. It’s the kind of thing that drives Europeans and liberals nuts. Or at least, it used to drive liberals nuts. Hmp. It’s lost half of its fun if it doesn’t.

Goodwill Gone

I woke up this morning all full of goodwill toward my fellow man. I was ready to put the bitter hatred of the past eight years behind me. I was feeling rosy and cheery and almost happy that at least I wouldn’t have to hear the lamentations about W that I’ve been tortured with for the past eight years. I didn’t exactly support Obama, but I didn’t want him to fall flat on his face.

That’s changed a bit now. You see, now I realize the kind of people to which we’re going to be subjected for the next four years.

Obama’s inauguration was full of attacks on his predecessor.  His supporters jeered at W as the Bush family left to go home to Crawford.

W has been nothing but gracious to the incoming administration. Can the supporters of the incoming administration have a little grace in their win? Hell, can the new president have a little grace in his win? Apparently not.

Motherfuckers.

So earlier I was every bit “let’s be nice” and “let’s not wish Obama ill.” Fuck that. That bastard is going down. What makes it so sweet is that he’ll do it to himself.

Can’t wait to watch the carnage.

SIDE NOTE: W was not the monster the media made him out to be. Finally, there’s a rational look at W’s presidency. [Via Cranky-D.]