Big

Male enhancement commercials crack me up. One brand, which shall remain nameless, has a commercial featuring a “reporter” “interviewing” seemingly random men on the street. All of these men act like they’re ashamed to “admit” that they are “bigger.” Hilarious!

What man would be ashamed to admit that they’re bigger? If these men were real, satisfied customers, they wouldn’t be shamed. They’d shout their glee from a very high place where many people could hear it.

In reality, these men are ashamed of being in such a ridiculous commercial, knowing that the whole thing is nonsense.

The language of the commercials kills me, too. Why are they tiptoeing around the fact that they’re talking about penises? Why not just say “penis” instead of “that certain part of a man’s body” or whatever. It’s crazy. “Penis” is not a bad word. It’s not a dirty word. It’s the anatomically correct name for a part of a man’s reproductive system.

I mean, if they made a commercial talking about “cocks” or “dicks” I would be mad at them for using slang in conjunction with a “medical” procedure (not to mention airing it on basic cable unbleeped). But “penis” is the right, technical noun. Why shy away from it? I don’t get it. If this pill is a real medical procedure (and if it’s one that works), then talking about it in technical terms wouldn’t be wrong.

Also, the women in the commercials make me laugh. Not to be mean about it, but the men in the commercials aren’t extremely attractive. And yet, in the commercials, they’re paired with women who would probably be considered sexy by some. Oh, they’re not pretty or anything like that, but I can see how a great many men would think them hot. Certainly, they look “Available.” And by “Available” I mean “trashy and easy.” Which may be why I think a great many men would think that they’re hot.

The men are clearly not hot. It’s funny. And it’s clearly a signal to potential customers: use our product to get a big dick and an easy, semi-hot girl regardless of what you look like or how bad your breath smells!

And yeah, a couple of those guys look like they have really bad breath.

 

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12 comments on “Big

  1. Abbadon says:

    My, you’re looking lovely today, Mrs. Ponder…

    ***sitting on hands so I don’t comment about …you know***

  2. Prudie says:

    Why, thank you. How’s Hell these days? I hear JFK’s bitching about the heat again. Any other news from the Inferno?

    *Ahem* It’s Miss Ponder.

    Ha. No good, pal. By now, I know what you’re thinking. And after this particular post, well, I am very surprised you’ve managed to stay silent so long. Good boy! ***Looking at watch*** Now, how long will it last?

  3. pam says:

    Sweet tater pie, Prudie! You’re black! Good darned thing I read this post in my reader before I came hear to comment, cuz I can’t read a thing here…. it’s my old eyes, ya know.

    Anyway… penis! There, I said it. Why can’t television? ;)

  4. Vmaximus says:

    But would your Aunties really talk about penis or penii?
    or ….never mind.

    V

  5. pam says:

    Why did my comment disappear? Do you have moderated comments? Go, you! :D

  6. Prudie says:

    V, Is it penii, pernis or penises? I have no idea. I’ve never really thought about more than one at a time. And it didn’t occur to me to question the plural form of penis when I was writing this. :)

    My Aunties (the Editors) read it because it’s in my best interest. Or so they think. But talk about it? I doubt it. Not without a lot of swooning.

  7. Prudie says:

    Pam, I have no idea why my spam blocker is catching your comments. It only holds comments for moderation if they contain 2 or more links in the body. And your IP and name aren’t on my block list. Weird. I’m going to investigate this further because you shouldn’t be held for moderation like this. There’s no reason for it.

    Black background? Oh, I know. It wouldn’t be so bad if the text could be enlarged, but no. I have the free WP blog thingie, so I can do white and black, both with grey text. Well, there is another template, but it’s pink. Generally I have nothing against pink, but it’s a really annoying shade of pink. And there are hearts and flowers and stuff on it. Yuck.

    Anyway, the point is that if I want to keep my Editors and continue being a cheapo, then I have to choose between this, white and fugly pink. I thought this was the least of evils.

  8. Vmaximus says:

    Yes, swooning is the word I was looking for.

    I liked the smiling bob commercials. Tacky and full of innuendo.

    The new layout is ok, a little different at first.

    V

  9. Prudie says:

    Pam, I figured out what was happening. Your comments weren’t being held for moderation, they were being sent to Akismet spam. It should take a few times for me to unspam you for Akismet to “learn” that you’re not spam. So it may work tomorrow, or it may take a week or two, depending on how fast Akismet gets it.

    Is this white background any better?

  10. Prudie says:

    The new layout is ok, a little different at first.

    Thanks. I kinda like it, though I wish I could add a “recent comments” section to the bottom bar. Also, the text size is tiny. Other than that, I like it.

  11. Abbadon says:

    I gotta lot of catching up to do here! I was busy posting pics of voluptuous women’s bare breastses on my site. it’s “penises”, by the way, as in “She never had two penises at the same time”. Poor girl.

    *Ahem* It’s Miss Ponder.

    I know, that was my best Eddie Haskell.

    People are stupid, they’ll buy anything when they have a dick thew size of a starter button on a ’48 Ford. Fortunately, I have no use for such fantasy miracle cures for penile impairment.

    Everybody was yelling penis during the Lorena Bobbitt story, why is there a ban on the word now?

    And thanks for fixing the site. Like Pam, I couldn’t read tyhe damn thing without glasses and highlighting. It looked good, though!

    Hell is good, miss. Lot’s of titillation going on there.

    Okay, I think I covered sex pretty well in this post. The only sexy thing I didn’t cover is you, Miss Ponder!

    :oD>

  12. Abbadon says:

    Goddammit – I gotta start proofreading a little more carefully.

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