I’m In The Money

…or, at least, I will be in the money in a few years. You see, I have the perfect “get rich” scheme. It’s not new. People have been doing this for a long time.

So in the great, time-honored tradition of Lynne & Jamie Spears, Joe & Tina Simpson (2!), Katherine & Joseph Jackson (wow!), and many, many others, I have decided to follow their simple three-step plan for millions, even billions, of dollars. I’m still in the early planning stages, so there’s more editing to do. Here’s my rough draft:

1) Have baby.

2) Exploit said bank roll’s baby’s talent in show business. (If said money bags offspring is not particularly talented or looks like your gramma’s saggy wrinkly aged ass is not sufficiently appealing does not have normal number of eyes and fingers “it factor,” repeat step 1 as often as necessary.)

3) Manage said moolah maker’s baby’s dough income such that most of his and/or her earnings are directed to parent’s account for jewelry, rocks, real estate, books, and sex toys said cash cow’s baby’s training, hair stylists, wardrobe, and makeup upbringing. (See Jackson family example for how to manage several “talented” slaves children.)

So, I don’t have piggy banks kids. Yet. (Pajama Momma, you’ve got me beat there. You can start to cash in already!) I’m only 32; I’ve still got plenty of time to squeeze out lovingly bear a few little cash cows blessed babies to exploit enhance all that is sleazy in Hollywood good in the world.

P.S. Have I been watching I Know My Kid’s A Star  too much? 


9 comments on “I’m In The Money

  1. Abbadon says:

    Have my baby?


  2. Prudie says:

    Ppbbbbbt. I’ll see if I can find someone a little more local, thanks.

    Also, someone a little less married would be nice. :P

  3. Abbadon says:

    Let me address your concerns:

    I’ll see if I can find someone a little more local

    One word: airplane.

    Also, someone a little less married would be nice.

    Given the potential return on my, er, investment, I think I might be able to convince my wife to go along with this scheme. Just this once…

  4. Prudie says:

    Investment. Hah! You misunderstand: it wasn’t that I thought your wife wouldn’t like it, it’s that I wouldn’t like it. Married men aren’t my thing at all. Sorry. Pppbbbbbbt.

  5. Abbadon says:

    Well, I wasn’t talking about a relationship. I just thought you needed the secret ingredient.

  6. Prudie says:

    Relationship or no, married men are out. A girl’s got to have standards when it comes to baby-making, dating, and marrying. That’s mine for all three.

    Heh. Secret ingredient.

  7. Abbadon says:

    And any gal can have it. All she has to do is ask. Every five minutes…

    Mitch Fatel is a riot. Watch some of his other vids. the sound quality is better on the others.

  8. Abbadon says:


    We share the same standards. Married men are definitely out. Single ones too…

  9. Prudie says:

    Ha. That clears that up.

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