…or, at least, I will be in the money in a few years. You see, I have the perfect “get rich” scheme. It’s not new. People have been doing this for a long time.
So in the great, time-honored tradition of Lynne & Jamie Spears, Joe & Tina Simpson (2!), Katherine & Joseph Jackson (wow!), and many, many others, I have decided to follow their simple three-step plan for millions, even billions, of dollars. I’m still in the early planning stages, so there’s more editing to do. Here’s my rough draft:
1) Have baby.
2) Exploit said bank roll’s baby’s talent in show business. (If said money bags offspring is not particularly talented or looks like your gramma’s saggy wrinkly aged ass is not sufficiently appealing does not have normal number of eyes and fingers “it factor,” repeat step 1 as often as necessary.)
3) Manage said moolah maker’s baby’s dough income such that most of his and/or her earnings are directed to parent’s account for jewelry, rocks, real estate, books, and sex toys said cash cow’s baby’s training, hair stylists, wardrobe, and makeup upbringing. (See Jackson family example for how to manage several “talented” slaves children.)
So, I don’t have piggy banks kids. Yet. (Pajama Momma, you’ve got me beat there. You can start to cash in already!) I’m only 32; I’ve still got plenty of time to squeeze out lovingly bear a few little cash cows blessed babies to exploit enhance all that is sleazy in Hollywood good in the world.
P.S. Have I been watching I Know My Kid’s A Star too much?